apple?

got over that strange bump.

and onto another very similar looking one.

one that keeps me checked, straps me down.

everyday i toy with the idea of quitting my job and just going to melbourne without notice.

i would...struggle, or land on a feathery pillow, all fluffed up for me.

stagnation is the biggest killer. the longer you stand, the less strength you have left to move away, and yet, i have justified to myself that it is okay to stay put at this job because of something else. something else that i PAY to do right now.

do i love it? yes. i couldn't do without it. but then what is the reason behind not being able to just pack and leave?

i want to bake cakes. i have a craving for cooking today. which will generally go ignored.

what is the point of being so talented and intelligent if you can't use what you got and keep throwing yourself in plain brainless work?

i want.

so there i was dying my hair which is something that i do at home, periodically.

i've basically been doing this since i was like..15, so generally i don't really mess up the place.

but today, i forget, there are 2 x 1/2 mm specs of dye on the bathroom tile and i just, well, didn't actually see the damn specs.

i was then marched into the bathroom, and demanded to clean it up.

i usually don't mind but honestly, the cleaner is due in in 9 hours, literally, to do a once-over. could it not wait?

she glared at me, and gasped for emphasis, and stated in a melodramatic tone what a BAD MEAN person i am to leave things for the cleaner to clean. who the hell am i to be allowed to do such preposterous, lowly things?

it was a puzzling moment where i felt guilt(!!) even though i don't believe i was wrong. then i became deeply confused.

am i lowly and mean? am i guilty for letting the cleaner do their magic? i can agree it's not so nice if i left it for a few days just so someone else could clean it, but is 9 hours unbelievable and disgusting?

now if i soiled my apartment with mud and random gardening materials, stained the tiles on purpose or something, or even just plainly had a big crazy drunken party, then left it, waiting for the unsuspecting cleaner to find the impending doom, THAT would be lowly.

but are a couple specs of easily washable dye (that was hardly visible to begin with) off a tile wall a big tragedy for the cleaners to deal with?

oh well, some people are anal.

teeth.

thank god.

but at the moment i look a little bit like a boxer who has lost a few rounds...and have a bit of a pudgy face.

all good.

i was hoping this weekend would be filled with fun, going out, taking time out, being with people, heading to melbourne to visit nai...but as one would expect, i wasn't well enough to head down to melb because my dizziness comes and goes...i hoped for a not-complicated, less healing time kind of procedure. but i got average i think.

i can't eat still..(i actually had some canned spaghetti - first time in my life!) it was all mushy and i personally don't like canned sauces but it was good..gave me some energy so i'm not so damn brain spinny anymore.

tvm is over. and onto new and more exciting projects.

such loveliness is life.

i will catch up with eric in another 40 or so minutes for a drink in chats, hopefully catch up with jub et al for a boardgame night tonight (after missing the unmissible horseriding - i am so bummed out!) and having a nice stay in with friends weekend.

let the good times roll!

the vagina monologues @ Sydney Theatre - photos up here!!! the photographer was so easy to work with... :)

in other news: i'm getting my wisdoms out tomorrow...wish me luck!