apple?

Fun script to work on. really enjoyed the on-set environment. i think i've begun to love film just as much as theatre already.

i will cringe no doubt upon watching me carrying on like a asian bimbo with some aussie guy.

matt was awesome guy to work with. well, obviously i'd go and talk about the actor who had to stick with me almost literally, missing out on beautiful sunshine because the shoot was in the carpark. honest to god i couldn't imagine anyone else to help me along my first short film the way he did. he's got this really enigmatic quality about him...but he's patient, helps you out, gave me alot to work with...just a general nice person. maybe it's a quiet sense of confidence, quite a change from the talk me up rituals of being in the corporate world.

it's kinda interesting to be on set watching the things go on in the production team. how many things said only because they just want to get the shot perfect. how many arguing over takes and saying not so nice things about people but, again, only because they want the same thing but have different ways of achieving it. and how tiring it is for the boom guy to be holding the damn thing - that sure takes training itself! that's life i guess.

one afterthought though about...which i will keep for myself...;)

a gathering for stella's welcome and farewell...photos soon...otherwise we'll be having photo after photo on this blog.

it was a fun night. got to see lots of ppl, tho i hope that there are more regular catch ups so we can REALLY know how everyone is.

my first short film shoot tomorrow as the lead actress. not bad eh? i am quite excited about the project - its just simply and funny :) but 12 hours shooting for a 3 minute short is going to be a bit overkill. will see how it all pans out though!

met 2 directors for film projects on friday. both seem amazing people with lots to give. if i get the projects i think i will learn alot. this seems to be the season of short films. i just submitted my cv for another few projects. hmmm

CONGRAATS to ceri for completing the OXFAM 1ookm Trailwalker challenge in 30 hours 38 minutes!!! WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT! you can now rest and have bubblebaths and be fed grapes ;) you go girl!

borre is leaving this weekend. muhahaha...i will be able to hassle jub more often! lol gotta give unc. gene a call coz he wasn't available this evening when i called him...hrm...

counting down to eurotrip. 25 days till...

creperie. :(

like a shooting star...*sob* the only great place with consistently delicious food at a good price and it had to be the first to go.

oh so sad...

*minute silence*

first up: thanks daz and miyuki for makin' the show too! i thought you guys had hectic plans but you still took da time to come. thanks heaps!!!!
many photos to come...


And here are the after party shots. it's been the best afters i've been to at any event. chilling at james' place in front of a log fire, plentiful food and champers, 2 guitarists, 2 guitars, and lots of folk songs. i recorded the simon/james performance of fly me to the moon - bossa nova mix. but i'm keeping that one to myself. :)

whoops...forgot totally about that speed camera...lets hope it's an empty camera...:P bleh...getting fined ain't fun...i guess gunning it down there every night i had to be an ass tonight and FORGET the position of the fixed camera...lol

anywho, expected report of the show is in!

well, not really.. but i love the run of this show...it's been an awesome cast, no politics - ironic, considering it is a political play...no hang-ups or chips on shoulder, just professional happy actors collaborating and supporting each other (and saving each other's asses)! nicely executed and directed. i'm surprised now thinking back i had reservations taking it on. i think it must have been my negative attitude towards not getting a gig that i was just being bitter or something. or, maybe, just maybe, i was unsure about having to gun it down wakehurst 2-3 times a week...but i did get pretty good at it by the end.

thanks to everyone who managed to trek up to northern beaches to see this kid trying to act professional :D love ya!! tomolo is bump out n CAST P-A-R-T-why??? BECAUSE I GOTTA!

much love and thanks for the support to....ray, luksie, jeanette, ho-ho, a'nt jane, unc george, ame-ba, glo-worm, joyce, mum, derek, eeeen, denise, aaron, dawer (needed a hand to hold on wakehurst pkwy eh?), ho-ho (again!), ceri, ant, meg, anna...

and to those who will be makin' the trek tomorrow to support the closing show: jeff, von, jae, nick, masaki...i dont think i missed anyone there..if i did, kick me coz i deserve it!

tomorrow will be a B-L-A-S-T!

MUAH!!!!!!!

looking through photos just to see what to post up onto a forum.

looking through photos, just to ponder about how much older one can become in one year.

does time fly past faster, or have we just become a bit more aware of our limits.

how long ago a trip 9 months back seem, when life, everyday-ness take over.

i long for time to slip by my fingers just that little bit slower, and let me savour this moment for longer. just once. dont go yet...please...let me remember some years ago my first trip away from family, away from this continent. it wasn't so long ago, but i recall weeping on the car ride to the airport. i am no longer caged by my own mind telling me i am a child and not allowed to venture out into the world. i was beckoned to leave a cage that i had outgrown but was too fond to leave only to flee as remnants of this cage was crushed by what seemed an invisible force back then.

ross, one of the cast members mentioned how he wanted to tell james and oliver that those years are the best years of a person's life and to treasure it. but "how do you tell a 10 year old kid to treasure it when they're trying to grow up?"

i am a reluctantly entering into another stage of life that feels a little too planned...a little too directional...a little too much towards my prize. but hey, i am almost 24. i am supposed to have some of these things figured out, and i have. and i thank whatever that gave me clarity for being able to see it. so why am i complaining?

do i miss being confused and scrambling for a candle to light my way? i don't know. maybe. apparently we spend most of our twenties "figuring out" and being uncertain in this century's trend. but what if you have figured out. how long are we meant to plod along like this? until we die? until we get rich? until we get bored?

some things are better lived in dreams.

since the epiphanies and minor enlightenments in my life and the joy i have in knowing a bit more about the way, i have stopped dreaming regularly for a while. but lately, my dreams become more vivid, and fantastical, yet i have stopped being able to harness it in my waking hours. i want to dream for longer, to live the world that is not mine to keep. hoping to remember the details, so i can draw from them. but when i wake up, i don't wish for the dream to become reality. and life takes over, and i go through the motions of daily life, and the dream again has been abandoned.

and i don't know why this has to happen. if it makes you long to be there, then why wouldn't you want it enough to clutch onto it for dear life? this thought frustrates me. for a large part of my life, dreams and my mind's reluctance in separating it into fact/fiction has been what made my inner world so rich and that most of it i cannot explain in words. but now i have a sense of yearning for reality when i dream at night...? i used to dream to escape the world and i would sometimes wake up with a heightened sense and live the day as an extension of the dream i had just before i woke.

my daily life is like never before. i have no cause to cry.

my inner world feels barren, and lifeless. what has happened to me?

my inner world has been robbed, and i do not know who the thief is...

18 hrs before opening: I woke up to fever and headache and a lead weight body. i thought "SHIT you are kidding me..." and relocated to a more ventilated area - couch...and overheated there...tried the floor, but didn't have energy to find some meds...

15 hrs: woke up n thought "SHIT, it's 11" and i...can't lift my head up without wanting to hurl my guts out. took my meds, my panadol and water. water sometimes tastes SO bad when you're sick. messaged kenny to tell him i'm sick so he wont expect to see me all glamed up.

14 hrs...call in sick at work. sat there and watched tv hoping i will be better. could not eat. drinking anything made me feel horrible. i will be better by tonite, i said to myself. how wrong i was.

4 hrs... i walked down to buy a cake to bring to celebrate opening night for Friday's show. this journey was the most painful journey since the 5-day non-stop hurling stint at malaysia. the sponge roll i bought felt alot heavier for some reason. pfft, sponge my ass (not literally). got home and hurled my meds out. "SHIT..."

3 hrs....kenny calls, tells me he's ready to come give me a lift to the show venue so he and a mate could catch dinner first. i tell him i been throwing up. he goes "oh dear, ur not just sick". not sure what that means *shrug*...my sisters tell me i should just call in sick.

i cannot "call in sick"...there are live audiences and no back up plans!

2 hrs.....kenny comes by and urges me to drink gatorade (gatorade being the only thing i could stomache during my heavenly trip to malaysia)...i did...he goes to pick his friend up. he calls to tell me he's waiting downstairs...i hurl my guts out again...the colour of gatorade seeped through to my skin, thanks to osmosis...by now i could barely talk or stay awake. i was repeating that one word to myself silently...

1 1/2 hrs....sitting in the car on the way to the venue, it starts raining..no..pouring..no torrential downpour...something...something that sounded more like iron sinkers dropping against a tin roof. alot of them...head throbs. kenny's voice sounded menacingly loud and i lost it and yelled. i think a small whimper came out of my mouth. kenny respected my wishes to push on and kept driving.

1 hr...got there, staggered out of the car, can't maintain balance, almost fell and hit my head...leaned against augs for comfort. kenny propped me up grover style (my puppet) and took me into the hall. i saw blood drain from the director's face. i softly spoke hello and sorry at the same time to everyone. never knew those 2 words can be put in the same sentence.

1/2 hr....sat curled up on the ground of the dressing room. smell of food grossed me. sucked on ice cubes. got changed, sat back onto the floor next to the heater. i LOVE heaters. my head spun faster than those electric fans :D

5 minute before show, music starts playing. head hurts. stomache complains of not having eaten. i couldn't remember my lines. standing up took mustering of courage for 5 minutes, 1 minute to collect energy, and one moment to ensure someone was looking in case i fell...

during the show: sitting on the floor of dressing room with my head down next to the whurring of the heater. got up and did my bit whenever i had to. head spinning like a figure skater.

post-show: the director thanked me for staying with us. i quietly thanked him in my mind for not letting me fall into the fiery gates of hell should i miss opening night. warm audience came to congratulate the cast for a great opening, surprised that i couldn't really stand upright coz i seemed perfectly fine onstage.

conclusion: saved by opening night jitters.

i survived!!!

6 shows to go, but with fully charged batteries :D