14.12.06
quay
was sick.. had been for the past week..almost 2 now.
woke up early today and had a bit of a walk around circular quay before going to work. sat there, beautiful blue sky with white cotton candy you could almost reach out and grab a handful...report back about the book i've been reading - bill bryson's "walkabout". today was the first time i looked at circular quay in the eyes of a potential tourist. there's mild human traffic along the quay, and lightly speckled with backpackers. if today was the first day i dropped into sydney harbour in my life as a tourist, open-minded and ready, eager, desperate to receive, and i happened to have saw the morning for all loveliness there was, i would have fallen in love with sydney and wished i'd never left. i would have festered in jealousy that the locals of this beautiful place seem to take it all for granted (it was, after all, only 9am, and there weren't nearly as many people as normal). i would probably want to have my ashes scattered somewhere conveniently close so as to look over this place in afterlife or something.
but i am not a tourist. and i have always taken the quay for granted, used it as a burial place of memories...it's almost too cliche to mention that the quay was where i had my first love took me for my sweet 16. it seems embarassingly long ago. ironically it was also one of the first places this volatile spirited school girl would run to when she was unhappy, missing out on school and other experiences which could have made her a much happier teenager. that, and the memory of one particular boy with beautiful facial features (unfortunately masking a weak, leeching, pathetic heart which i got to understand more about in later years) whom i kissed for the last time on the grass area and never saw again. at the time i wished for more, but in hindsight, i really just dodged a missile, thanks to his momentary lapse of truthful blurting, i got to understand how i let myself be so shamelessly manipulated.
i wonder about all these places being weighted down by the inevitable memories created by people and their interactions with them.
i am in a perpetual cloud of brain fog and cannot think work, think straight for the life of me. i don't want to be doing anything other than performing. maybe that's why i'm still blogging at work!
anyway, back to work...
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woke up early today and had a bit of a walk around circular quay before going to work. sat there, beautiful blue sky with white cotton candy you could almost reach out and grab a handful...report back about the book i've been reading - bill bryson's "walkabout". today was the first time i looked at circular quay in the eyes of a potential tourist. there's mild human traffic along the quay, and lightly speckled with backpackers. if today was the first day i dropped into sydney harbour in my life as a tourist, open-minded and ready, eager, desperate to receive, and i happened to have saw the morning for all loveliness there was, i would have fallen in love with sydney and wished i'd never left. i would have festered in jealousy that the locals of this beautiful place seem to take it all for granted (it was, after all, only 9am, and there weren't nearly as many people as normal). i would probably want to have my ashes scattered somewhere conveniently close so as to look over this place in afterlife or something.
but i am not a tourist. and i have always taken the quay for granted, used it as a burial place of memories...it's almost too cliche to mention that the quay was where i had my first love took me for my sweet 16. it seems embarassingly long ago. ironically it was also one of the first places this volatile spirited school girl would run to when she was unhappy, missing out on school and other experiences which could have made her a much happier teenager. that, and the memory of one particular boy with beautiful facial features (unfortunately masking a weak, leeching, pathetic heart which i got to understand more about in later years) whom i kissed for the last time on the grass area and never saw again. at the time i wished for more, but in hindsight, i really just dodged a missile, thanks to his momentary lapse of truthful blurting, i got to understand how i let myself be so shamelessly manipulated.
i wonder about all these places being weighted down by the inevitable memories created by people and their interactions with them.
i am in a perpetual cloud of brain fog and cannot think work, think straight for the life of me. i don't want to be doing anything other than performing. maybe that's why i'm still blogging at work!
anyway, back to work...
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