29.9.06
in all heaven's name...
Here i am on mz final day in budapest and i am bored shitless. I guess from the first day i set foot ont he city till now has been one big 180 degree flip. It was a beautiful and run down city upon first glance, but i think i shouldnt have stayed for 4 days here. 2 or 3 MAX.
For one, all the darned christian art is driving me NUTS. We practically saw church after cathedral after temple, even art galleries (which were all great), this angel over this saint, this angel over christ, these angel singing, then looked at paintings of the last supper…then another one of the last supper but with different lighting…then another…of christ on the cross…of christ with a halo on the cross…christ carrying the cross, with a halo on his head…christ and mary paintings, sculptures of mary, the saint kings, the saint-kings on horses, the kings without halos on pedestals…
Dont get me wrong, i am enjoying myself and the buildings are beautifully restored and artworks nicely constructed and should be given credit, but this culture is very…not me. It doesnt draw me towards it and it doesnt make me appreciate it in all its glory to see it day after night. All its saying is that they never had much other things than clinging onto their christianity – which is great for them, but…then you start wondering, that is all they are showing you, and…it cant be all there is, right…? Maybe i hadnt hit the more modern places with emerging cultures and art or something.
I know there is a communist artifact museum of some sort…but i found out too late...
My god i would like to see something more interesting, different, to off-set the christian overload. I like art, but for gods sake jesus christ i would like to see something that is not about being christian, or christianity related…something…something…
anyway...
For one, all the darned christian art is driving me NUTS. We practically saw church after cathedral after temple, even art galleries (which were all great), this angel over this saint, this angel over christ, these angel singing, then looked at paintings of the last supper…then another one of the last supper but with different lighting…then another…of christ on the cross…of christ with a halo on the cross…christ carrying the cross, with a halo on his head…christ and mary paintings, sculptures of mary, the saint kings, the saint-kings on horses, the kings without halos on pedestals…
Dont get me wrong, i am enjoying myself and the buildings are beautifully restored and artworks nicely constructed and should be given credit, but this culture is very…not me. It doesnt draw me towards it and it doesnt make me appreciate it in all its glory to see it day after night. All its saying is that they never had much other things than clinging onto their christianity – which is great for them, but…then you start wondering, that is all they are showing you, and…it cant be all there is, right…? Maybe i hadnt hit the more modern places with emerging cultures and art or something.
I know there is a communist artifact museum of some sort…but i found out too late...
My god i would like to see something more interesting, different, to off-set the christian overload. I like art, but for gods sake jesus christ i would like to see something that is not about being christian, or christianity related…something…something…
anyway...
28.9.06
hi all,
i am in budapest on our 3rd day and i will apologise for my strange spelling due to the cryllic keyboard as well as a strangelz egyptian decor of this net cafe. by the way, the letter y is in the place of the letter z on this keybaord as well as a few other letters which i wont have time to properly mention. so if i get the spelling drasticallz stupidlz wrong, sorry in advance.
budapest is the best place i have been in so far, so the trip is getting better and better. i wont be using an awful lot of punctuation marks because i dont know where they are. i went to the gellert baths today and had a simple steam session. i think its very normal, despite the beautiful tiling and decorations and the added bonus of being able to swim in ur bath (???) and not having to feel like u gotta be wearing bathers (by the way the bath we went to were segregated).
i reckon budapest if nothing else is a citz of extremelz well-endowed women. its like everywhere we go there are girls with HUGE personalities. and there is an abundance of lingerie stores (wonder why). we were in a shopping centre which was perhaps a bit touristy but there was 1 lingerie store to every 2 stores, and even surf shops had lingerie. but i found a particular brand quite interesting: abOriginal. full of normal clothing but there is something to be said about a store that has aboriginal as its brand, because its in no way aboriginal.
we stalked the castle hill district, visited the creep-o labrynths (until we saw someone carve a imprint of a coke bottle in the clay in the labrynth - how inconsiderate) thats the thing i have noticed about here. people do graffiti the place a fair bit, sometimes its as if the people here dont really like the historz or arent proud of it and want ot move onto being modern...?
Anyway, blogger swallowed up half my blog..or the net connection here did..damn it.
I am using word now to see if i can get this rest of the blog published in time while the other half is slowly baking away int he publishing room of cyberspace.
Dont reallz want to say what got erased anymore, tis a bit of a turn off to do that, so i will continue to talk about something else.
Namely our hostel. More like a beautiful self service apartment with rundown exteriors, and a 6 level building with internal courtyard. We stay at level 1. this place took us 2 hours to find because the hostel offices dont have signs out in the front. They didnt bother telling us that they were located on level 5, with no lifts and just stairs and luggage, u can imagine how annoyed we were when we found out that the place we were to stay at was a different address altogether. but this is the best hostel we will get...
Oh well. Almost time up…will write more and hopefullz this time it will get posted up.
i gotta plan the spain-tokyo accomodation now.. heh..ttyl
i am in budapest on our 3rd day and i will apologise for my strange spelling due to the cryllic keyboard as well as a strangelz egyptian decor of this net cafe. by the way, the letter y is in the place of the letter z on this keybaord as well as a few other letters which i wont have time to properly mention. so if i get the spelling drasticallz stupidlz wrong, sorry in advance.
budapest is the best place i have been in so far, so the trip is getting better and better. i wont be using an awful lot of punctuation marks because i dont know where they are. i went to the gellert baths today and had a simple steam session. i think its very normal, despite the beautiful tiling and decorations and the added bonus of being able to swim in ur bath (???) and not having to feel like u gotta be wearing bathers (by the way the bath we went to were segregated).
i reckon budapest if nothing else is a citz of extremelz well-endowed women. its like everywhere we go there are girls with HUGE personalities. and there is an abundance of lingerie stores (wonder why). we were in a shopping centre which was perhaps a bit touristy but there was 1 lingerie store to every 2 stores, and even surf shops had lingerie. but i found a particular brand quite interesting: abOriginal. full of normal clothing but there is something to be said about a store that has aboriginal as its brand, because its in no way aboriginal.
we stalked the castle hill district, visited the creep-o labrynths (until we saw someone carve a imprint of a coke bottle in the clay in the labrynth - how inconsiderate) thats the thing i have noticed about here. people do graffiti the place a fair bit, sometimes its as if the people here dont really like the historz or arent proud of it and want ot move onto being modern...?
Anyway, blogger swallowed up half my blog..or the net connection here did..damn it.
I am using word now to see if i can get this rest of the blog published in time while the other half is slowly baking away int he publishing room of cyberspace.
Dont reallz want to say what got erased anymore, tis a bit of a turn off to do that, so i will continue to talk about something else.
Namely our hostel. More like a beautiful self service apartment with rundown exteriors, and a 6 level building with internal courtyard. We stay at level 1. this place took us 2 hours to find because the hostel offices dont have signs out in the front. They didnt bother telling us that they were located on level 5, with no lifts and just stairs and luggage, u can imagine how annoyed we were when we found out that the place we were to stay at was a different address altogether. but this is the best hostel we will get...
Oh well. Almost time up…will write more and hopefullz this time it will get posted up.
i gotta plan the spain-tokyo accomodation now.. heh..ttyl
26.9.06
Second day in amsterdam, and loving it. this place has a certain laid-backness about it that i quite like. first day was heading out to sex museum (just a bit of an archive of erotic art - i can't say it was that big a deal as it was made out to be)...we got to the hostel we were stayin' at and all is good. cheap, basic but still okay. i'm glad i took gloria's sleeping bag! first stop was around the city, and unfortunately as beautiful the places were, i couldn't pronounce a word of dutch and hence alot of names were forgotten. photos are in the memory card for later though:)
we're staying in the heart of the red light district area (or thereabouts) and last night we chose a couple of joints, smoked them, and headed out for some window shopping. i must say the sex workers are quite...of high standard here. it's all a bit too done up to feel sleazy...almost like it was kinda cool to go in (well, i might have just been high, but there you go). they were behind these glass windows in lingerie, posing in their rooms, all with different designs, they were doing different things...some were massage palours, some were toilets, some were beautiful boudoirs...and the ladies were quite pretty (again, may have been the pot).
because it was like they were in a glass room in their own little world, many posed as though they were not aware that the whole street was viewing them, it actually felt a bit trippy. people were literally displayed as merchandise and they were all putting up such a damn good show! it is almost some kind of art form! the only time i noticed they weren't in their posing mode is when someone tried to take a photo outside a girl's shop window and she came out and yelled at them. i guess you can't have something for nothing in their world.
the street screamed "people and fantasies for hire" and it was so out in the open that it was good but just not something i'm used to seeing in public - certainly odd when you see a man walk into one of the "shop displays" and he takes out his willie whilst negotiating for a price...(by the way the man had his back to the street. thank god)
couldn't see any working men though. though i'm sure they're around...
hired a bike today and rode around the area, went to van gogh museum (much much much appreciated)...it is so much more interesting when you are allowed to view a vast collection of works from the one artist, so you can actually understand alot more about his life. i guess an art book can do the same, but the english audiotour was a great investment.
we hit one of the local markets around the area (we don't know what it's called, it just happened)...and it was a bit like local produce and clothes, like paddys but nicer. waffles with caramel sauce was THE BOMB! i'm so going back for more.
we managed to get lost and out of the tourist map area thanks to kenny's adventurous/curious side. but it was kinda nice to see school kids, and the local residential areas...i'm sure we weren't very far away, and the bike ride is generally so nice because the whole place is FLAT! if only sydney was this nice...
in the arvo, i went back to the central area where there is a street full of clothing and shops in general. had another icecream sandwich. i'm going to get so fat, but hopefully all the bike riding and walking 16 hrs a day would do some good :P
hope to meet up with borre soon...catch laterz!
time running out!
we're staying in the heart of the red light district area (or thereabouts) and last night we chose a couple of joints, smoked them, and headed out for some window shopping. i must say the sex workers are quite...of high standard here. it's all a bit too done up to feel sleazy...almost like it was kinda cool to go in (well, i might have just been high, but there you go). they were behind these glass windows in lingerie, posing in their rooms, all with different designs, they were doing different things...some were massage palours, some were toilets, some were beautiful boudoirs...and the ladies were quite pretty (again, may have been the pot).
because it was like they were in a glass room in their own little world, many posed as though they were not aware that the whole street was viewing them, it actually felt a bit trippy. people were literally displayed as merchandise and they were all putting up such a damn good show! it is almost some kind of art form! the only time i noticed they weren't in their posing mode is when someone tried to take a photo outside a girl's shop window and she came out and yelled at them. i guess you can't have something for nothing in their world.
the street screamed "people and fantasies for hire" and it was so out in the open that it was good but just not something i'm used to seeing in public - certainly odd when you see a man walk into one of the "shop displays" and he takes out his willie whilst negotiating for a price...(by the way the man had his back to the street. thank god)
couldn't see any working men though. though i'm sure they're around...
hired a bike today and rode around the area, went to van gogh museum (much much much appreciated)...it is so much more interesting when you are allowed to view a vast collection of works from the one artist, so you can actually understand alot more about his life. i guess an art book can do the same, but the english audiotour was a great investment.
we hit one of the local markets around the area (we don't know what it's called, it just happened)...and it was a bit like local produce and clothes, like paddys but nicer. waffles with caramel sauce was THE BOMB! i'm so going back for more.
we managed to get lost and out of the tourist map area thanks to kenny's adventurous/curious side. but it was kinda nice to see school kids, and the local residential areas...i'm sure we weren't very far away, and the bike ride is generally so nice because the whole place is FLAT! if only sydney was this nice...
in the arvo, i went back to the central area where there is a street full of clothing and shops in general. had another icecream sandwich. i'm going to get so fat, but hopefully all the bike riding and walking 16 hrs a day would do some good :P
hope to meet up with borre soon...catch laterz!
time running out!
24.9.06
a post in less than 6 minutes
hi all,
i'm in london in some internet cafe at the moment and it's been awesome so far...as some of you may know that i was emailing from Osaka airport and it's the second day in london and tomorrow i'll be flying out (sob) to amsterdam to catch up with borre and give him his family heirloom back.
anywho, 5 min ain't nearly enough to do london much justice, but all i can say it, it's been a warm and sunny journey so far. very un-london. uncle gene (who has taken us in) has been telling us how we've missed out on the real london experience, and we've been crashing his place in essex, which is about an hr from the city by tube. tube is awesome too! all day pass for 6 pounds something off peak...but they come every 2 minutes even at night!
managed to catch the producers happening at theatre royal on drury lane last nite, we got the top of the mountain view at 15 pound, with obstructed viewing, and had to literally walk 10 flights of steps - firestairs to get to the seats. they sure know how to segregate the audience! but the show was great, and i'm running out of time to really elaborate.
we've taken a fair number of photos....will be up soon.
gotta jet!
abb xoxo
i'm in london in some internet cafe at the moment and it's been awesome so far...as some of you may know that i was emailing from Osaka airport and it's the second day in london and tomorrow i'll be flying out (sob) to amsterdam to catch up with borre and give him his family heirloom back.
anywho, 5 min ain't nearly enough to do london much justice, but all i can say it, it's been a warm and sunny journey so far. very un-london. uncle gene (who has taken us in) has been telling us how we've missed out on the real london experience, and we've been crashing his place in essex, which is about an hr from the city by tube. tube is awesome too! all day pass for 6 pounds something off peak...but they come every 2 minutes even at night!
managed to catch the producers happening at theatre royal on drury lane last nite, we got the top of the mountain view at 15 pound, with obstructed viewing, and had to literally walk 10 flights of steps - firestairs to get to the seats. they sure know how to segregate the audience! but the show was great, and i'm running out of time to really elaborate.
we've taken a fair number of photos....will be up soon.
gotta jet!
abb xoxo
17.9.06
wongers msn'd me today out of the blue and told me my picture was in SMH in spectrum on the weekend edition...and i was like err..that can't be, i hadn't done any promo for a while...there's nothing promo-like happening for me right now...so he sent me a webcam shot:
memories came flooding back...a gig i did for a peace promoting dance party 2 years ago with leigh has surfaced. it was so long i didn't recognise myself - i recognised leigh! wow times, too bad i lost contact with leigh though...
in other news, something strange and annoyingly persistant is happening on my computer without my consent. i feel so violated and out of control with my fellow machine friend.
please spot the irony in the following screenshot:
3 days to go...
16.9.06
take 2...
well, that is a hectic week. did some shopping at good o' market city, have a couple of retail horror stories to tell, spent the week seeing friends and catching up...rounding up, all in all. caught up with catherine on thursday...dinner with usyd bunch on wed, bummed at james' work on sunday, list goes on...
it's kinda funny when you go all the way to somewhere far like the city only to end up at supre buying clothes...but hey, at $10 for a jacket, and $10 for a jumper that costed $40 in chatswood, it's not so bad!
we started friday off with taking a few sisterly posed photos on the balcony before driving out to derrr's work where i picked up an all-important usb charger for the ipod journey ahead. thanks derrr :D i'll e' the money to your offshore, untraceable secret account in due course. *shit, shouldn't have said account*...*shit, shouldn't have said secret*...*shit, shouldn't have said untraceable*...
parked at market city and i was about to start my day getting a nz icecream fruit flo in a cone. anyway, the girl put the ingredients in the machine and out came...GOOOP! half melted, splattered, and none-too-pleasing to the eye.
a: um, i'm not taking that...
b: well, the icecream comes out and because it's not very frozen...
a: sorry, i am not paying for THAT
b gives a a dirty look and turns to speak to the boss, still holding the half melted cone, and returns holding the cone and an empty cup in other hand
b: i put this in a cup for you instead if you don't like the cone
a: no, i'm not going to pay for that. i'm going to walk away
b: i have already made it and it doens't go in cone
a: that's not my responsibility, you can't serve people that
b gives another dirty look and whispers something to the c. c comes to the counter
c: i can put this in cup for you
a: i don't want a cup, i want a cone
c: well it does not fit in cone
a: no, i don't want that...
c: i have already make it so...
a: i'm not paying for that
c: well i have already make it, you have to take it
a: no i don't, i am going to walk away now. bye
c: but i have made this and you asked for it so...
a: that's not my problem. i don't want that anymore. bye
i'm not sure if they have ever successfully bullied anyone into taking sub-standard items and making them pay for it. but i admire their firm belief that since i asked for a cone they can serve me bullshit in a cup and make me pay full price. caveat emptor indeed...
kenny, it's not carpe diem!!!
but at least the shopping was fun!
i met up with the girls from work for drinks, then dinner w/ kenny's group and watched fearing and loathing in las vegas. it was a scatterbrain, drugged out film. very funny though!
going to meet up with james...
hadn't packed yet
4 days to go...
it's kinda funny when you go all the way to somewhere far like the city only to end up at supre buying clothes...but hey, at $10 for a jacket, and $10 for a jumper that costed $40 in chatswood, it's not so bad!
we started friday off with taking a few sisterly posed photos on the balcony before driving out to derrr's work where i picked up an all-important usb charger for the ipod journey ahead. thanks derrr :D i'll e' the money to your offshore, untraceable secret account in due course. *shit, shouldn't have said account*...*shit, shouldn't have said secret*...*shit, shouldn't have said untraceable*...
parked at market city and i was about to start my day getting a nz icecream fruit flo in a cone. anyway, the girl put the ingredients in the machine and out came...GOOOP! half melted, splattered, and none-too-pleasing to the eye.
a: um, i'm not taking that...
b: well, the icecream comes out and because it's not very frozen...
a: sorry, i am not paying for THAT
b gives a a dirty look and turns to speak to the boss, still holding the half melted cone, and returns holding the cone and an empty cup in other hand
b: i put this in a cup for you instead if you don't like the cone
a: no, i'm not going to pay for that. i'm going to walk away
b: i have already made it and it doens't go in cone
a: that's not my responsibility, you can't serve people that
b gives another dirty look and whispers something to the c. c comes to the counter
c: i can put this in cup for you
a: i don't want a cup, i want a cone
c: well it does not fit in cone
a: no, i don't want that...
c: i have already make it so...
a: i'm not paying for that
c: well i have already make it, you have to take it
a: no i don't, i am going to walk away now. bye
c: but i have made this and you asked for it so...
a: that's not my problem. i don't want that anymore. bye
i'm not sure if they have ever successfully bullied anyone into taking sub-standard items and making them pay for it. but i admire their firm belief that since i asked for a cone they can serve me bullshit in a cup and make me pay full price. caveat emptor indeed...
kenny, it's not carpe diem!!!
but at least the shopping was fun!
i met up with the girls from work for drinks, then dinner w/ kenny's group and watched fearing and loathing in las vegas. it was a scatterbrain, drugged out film. very funny though!
going to meet up with james...
hadn't packed yet
4 days to go...
11.9.06
begin countdown: take 1
i am finally officially counting down my days till i leave the country. it's strange how something as big as heading to the other side of the world can be discounted by everyday shit that goes by. i keep counting, but i hadn't been CELEBRATING the act of counting down to my doomsday where i will live on bread and water - correction: rye bread, in amsterdam...and what other than...cookies :P only kiddin'! tat's not all i'm doin (i swear!)
i will be in: budapest, prague, vienna, london, amsterdam, porto, lisbon, sintra, madrid, tokyo in 34 days. too much? blame kenny (i mean, thank kenny, that sweet guy...........). he set up the hectic as hell itinerary to get as much out of the maiden trip as possible. if it was me, i'd stick to 3 countries in that kind of timeframe, but that's coz i'm lazy.
or i'll just throw up 5 day straight like last time to disrupt the flow of the journey.
speaking of lazy i still hadn't picked up our air tickets for the trip :D
salsa lessons have been great so far. i will miss them when we head overseas. our final salsa class is the night before we wake up at 5am to get to the darned airport to fly to tokyo for an overnight stay. i hadn't been out of the country in a couple of years - namely the one other time where i cried on the way to the airport. why do i get emotional about things that don't mean much to others?
i feel the need to pack quite soon.
should be catching up with catherine, james, julya, jamie, derek and co, all before i set off!
anyway i almost forgot to do the actual countdown: 9 days to lift off...
i will be in: budapest, prague, vienna, london, amsterdam, porto, lisbon, sintra, madrid, tokyo in 34 days. too much? blame kenny (i mean, thank kenny, that sweet guy...........). he set up the hectic as hell itinerary to get as much out of the maiden trip as possible. if it was me, i'd stick to 3 countries in that kind of timeframe, but that's coz i'm lazy.
or i'll just throw up 5 day straight like last time to disrupt the flow of the journey.
speaking of lazy i still hadn't picked up our air tickets for the trip :D
salsa lessons have been great so far. i will miss them when we head overseas. our final salsa class is the night before we wake up at 5am to get to the darned airport to fly to tokyo for an overnight stay. i hadn't been out of the country in a couple of years - namely the one other time where i cried on the way to the airport. why do i get emotional about things that don't mean much to others?
i feel the need to pack quite soon.
should be catching up with catherine, james, julya, jamie, derek and co, all before i set off!
anyway i almost forgot to do the actual countdown: 9 days to lift off...
10.9.06
thanks james for the oh-so-cute shiny giraffe :) it is my fav of the moment. my sis told me to use a gold chain instead...maybe i'll do that...
went costume shopping yesterday with joyce and kenny. rainy, cold and wet and outdoors, we set off. joyce ended up buying a black dress and 2 pairs of lace gloves for 25 bucks, and for me, 10 bucks later, i had a white shawl and a clutch bag! heh...love costume sales. there was a jacket that woulda looked so so stylish, but too bad kenny was too big for the jacket...
i had a catch up with andrea last nite, just with another friend of hers and me and a few drinks and we chatted about life and film and acting, life goals etcetera. it had been a long time since i had a long long going conversation with a small group of girls.
chatting about those things are good.
andrea asked me if i wanted to shoot for lee's next project. and i was happy and sad at the same time. sad because i'm going away and there's no way i could change it. and secondly because i really liked working with him and they're both really interesting people who i can learn heaps from. what a shame. but always sweet to be asked.
andrea and lee both know raph from my acting class because they're in the same course with some common subjects. i saw his name on her stickie note on the laptop, and went "hey i knew a guy called raph from my acting class"...small world we live in.
i guess some weeks i go through a LOW and sometimes the highs are just so blissful. only when you've had a week of extreme low altitude and through the dumps with quarter-life crisis attack #1...
went costume shopping yesterday with joyce and kenny. rainy, cold and wet and outdoors, we set off. joyce ended up buying a black dress and 2 pairs of lace gloves for 25 bucks, and for me, 10 bucks later, i had a white shawl and a clutch bag! heh...love costume sales. there was a jacket that woulda looked so so stylish, but too bad kenny was too big for the jacket...
i had a catch up with andrea last nite, just with another friend of hers and me and a few drinks and we chatted about life and film and acting, life goals etcetera. it had been a long time since i had a long long going conversation with a small group of girls.
chatting about those things are good.
andrea asked me if i wanted to shoot for lee's next project. and i was happy and sad at the same time. sad because i'm going away and there's no way i could change it. and secondly because i really liked working with him and they're both really interesting people who i can learn heaps from. what a shame. but always sweet to be asked.
andrea and lee both know raph from my acting class because they're in the same course with some common subjects. i saw his name on her stickie note on the laptop, and went "hey i knew a guy called raph from my acting class"...small world we live in.
i guess some weeks i go through a LOW and sometimes the highs are just so blissful. only when you've had a week of extreme low altitude and through the dumps with quarter-life crisis attack #1...
4.9.06
a number of things...
firstly, WELCOME to von to the world of blogger! :)
goodbye to Steve Irwin. i don't know anyone as well loved as him. i've loved watching his shows as a kid. what a shame.
a little peace of mind. for me. just a piece of it. anniversary is today. love is a funny thing. just now i was in his arms, me in drabby homey clothes, him in work gear. we fell asleep on my extremely small bed. contentment is in. there was nothing in my mind except just simply being happy. another year of being together...
spring makes me happy. embraces and spring and flowers and warmer nights. icecreams melting in waffle cones dipped in chocolate, cool breezes sweeping at legs of dresses at the harbour. foretelling a summer so beautiful, viewing the blurry horizon on hot nights in front of the ocean. grains of sand, pondering if there is anything in the world that is truly for us to own. or are dreams best left hanging amongst stars so we may have time to cherish things we currently have?
goodbye to Steve Irwin. i don't know anyone as well loved as him. i've loved watching his shows as a kid. what a shame.
a little peace of mind. for me. just a piece of it. anniversary is today. love is a funny thing. just now i was in his arms, me in drabby homey clothes, him in work gear. we fell asleep on my extremely small bed. contentment is in. there was nothing in my mind except just simply being happy. another year of being together...
spring makes me happy. embraces and spring and flowers and warmer nights. icecreams melting in waffle cones dipped in chocolate, cool breezes sweeping at legs of dresses at the harbour. foretelling a summer so beautiful, viewing the blurry horizon on hot nights in front of the ocean. grains of sand, pondering if there is anything in the world that is truly for us to own. or are dreams best left hanging amongst stars so we may have time to cherish things we currently have?
3.9.06
scales
mind is racing around tied to a rope inside my head.
for a while my heart has been so still, so tranquil - following the ebb and flow of life, with the usual ups and downs - hum drum of normal life of normal people. going out on weekend, pubbing with colleagues, coffee with mates. working, eating, sleeping. so fucking boring.
my heart cried out and i complained not too long ago that my inner child has gone, or someone had stolen my dreams. how easy and empty my head had been. i wanted a bit of chaos back. just a bit. I conjured her to wake up. i could not complete one A5 page of small font of thoughts of any kind when i used to write 7 pages a day. everything was so damn thought out.
this part of my mind is now racing around and i am finding it so hard to keep it in check. gloria told me to lock it up again. she's playing games with you, control her with your overpowering mind. something that took me so long to undo, and the right people in my life to help me get by. i don't think i want to start denying again.
this time i ignored her for too long. the trouble maker i kept inside my mind is out again, luring me to do things that i don't like to entertain, tempting me with impossibilities...
"what if we do this? come on, it'd be SO exciting. and you know how not to get caught..."
"why don't we try that?"
"why are we doing that again?"
"why are you being so boring?"
i have to deal with it. because she is not a demon. she is me. and i don't want to lock her up anymore. i want her to be making choices with me, not merely me telling her to go away and ignoring her for long periods only to be yearning for her to help me see the light.
now i know what i have to do.
i just have to learn to balance.
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for a while my heart has been so still, so tranquil - following the ebb and flow of life, with the usual ups and downs - hum drum of normal life of normal people. going out on weekend, pubbing with colleagues, coffee with mates. working, eating, sleeping. so fucking boring.
my heart cried out and i complained not too long ago that my inner child has gone, or someone had stolen my dreams. how easy and empty my head had been. i wanted a bit of chaos back. just a bit. I conjured her to wake up. i could not complete one A5 page of small font of thoughts of any kind when i used to write 7 pages a day. everything was so damn thought out.
this part of my mind is now racing around and i am finding it so hard to keep it in check. gloria told me to lock it up again. she's playing games with you, control her with your overpowering mind. something that took me so long to undo, and the right people in my life to help me get by. i don't think i want to start denying again.
this time i ignored her for too long. the trouble maker i kept inside my mind is out again, luring me to do things that i don't like to entertain, tempting me with impossibilities...
"what if we do this? come on, it'd be SO exciting. and you know how not to get caught..."
"why don't we try that?"
"why are we doing that again?"
"why are you being so boring?"
i have to deal with it. because she is not a demon. she is me. and i don't want to lock her up anymore. i want her to be making choices with me, not merely me telling her to go away and ignoring her for long periods only to be yearning for her to help me see the light.
now i know what i have to do.
i just have to learn to balance.