7.8.06
looking through photos just to see what to post up onto a forum.
looking through photos, just to ponder about how much older one can become in one year.
does time fly past faster, or have we just become a bit more aware of our limits.
how long ago a trip 9 months back seem, when life, everyday-ness take over.
i long for time to slip by my fingers just that little bit slower, and let me savour this moment for longer. just once. dont go yet...please...let me remember some years ago my first trip away from family, away from this continent. it wasn't so long ago, but i recall weeping on the car ride to the airport. i am no longer caged by my own mind telling me i am a child and not allowed to venture out into the world. i was beckoned to leave a cage that i had outgrown but was too fond to leave only to flee as remnants of this cage was crushed by what seemed an invisible force back then.
ross, one of the cast members mentioned how he wanted to tell james and oliver that those years are the best years of a person's life and to treasure it. but "how do you tell a 10 year old kid to treasure it when they're trying to grow up?"
i am a reluctantly entering into another stage of life that feels a little too planned...a little too directional...a little too much towards my prize. but hey, i am almost 24. i am supposed to have some of these things figured out, and i have. and i thank whatever that gave me clarity for being able to see it. so why am i complaining?
do i miss being confused and scrambling for a candle to light my way? i don't know. maybe. apparently we spend most of our twenties "figuring out" and being uncertain in this century's trend. but what if you have figured out. how long are we meant to plod along like this? until we die? until we get rich? until we get bored?
some things are better lived in dreams.
since the epiphanies and minor enlightenments in my life and the joy i have in knowing a bit more about the way, i have stopped dreaming regularly for a while. but lately, my dreams become more vivid, and fantastical, yet i have stopped being able to harness it in my waking hours. i want to dream for longer, to live the world that is not mine to keep. hoping to remember the details, so i can draw from them. but when i wake up, i don't wish for the dream to become reality. and life takes over, and i go through the motions of daily life, and the dream again has been abandoned.
and i don't know why this has to happen. if it makes you long to be there, then why wouldn't you want it enough to clutch onto it for dear life? this thought frustrates me. for a large part of my life, dreams and my mind's reluctance in separating it into fact/fiction has been what made my inner world so rich and that most of it i cannot explain in words. but now i have a sense of yearning for reality when i dream at night...? i used to dream to escape the world and i would sometimes wake up with a heightened sense and live the day as an extension of the dream i had just before i woke.
my daily life is like never before. i have no cause to cry.
my inner world feels barren, and lifeless. what has happened to me?
my inner world has been robbed, and i do not know who the thief is...
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looking through photos, just to ponder about how much older one can become in one year.
does time fly past faster, or have we just become a bit more aware of our limits.
how long ago a trip 9 months back seem, when life, everyday-ness take over.
i long for time to slip by my fingers just that little bit slower, and let me savour this moment for longer. just once. dont go yet...please...let me remember some years ago my first trip away from family, away from this continent. it wasn't so long ago, but i recall weeping on the car ride to the airport. i am no longer caged by my own mind telling me i am a child and not allowed to venture out into the world. i was beckoned to leave a cage that i had outgrown but was too fond to leave only to flee as remnants of this cage was crushed by what seemed an invisible force back then.
ross, one of the cast members mentioned how he wanted to tell james and oliver that those years are the best years of a person's life and to treasure it. but "how do you tell a 10 year old kid to treasure it when they're trying to grow up?"
i am a reluctantly entering into another stage of life that feels a little too planned...a little too directional...a little too much towards my prize. but hey, i am almost 24. i am supposed to have some of these things figured out, and i have. and i thank whatever that gave me clarity for being able to see it. so why am i complaining?
do i miss being confused and scrambling for a candle to light my way? i don't know. maybe. apparently we spend most of our twenties "figuring out" and being uncertain in this century's trend. but what if you have figured out. how long are we meant to plod along like this? until we die? until we get rich? until we get bored?
some things are better lived in dreams.
since the epiphanies and minor enlightenments in my life and the joy i have in knowing a bit more about the way, i have stopped dreaming regularly for a while. but lately, my dreams become more vivid, and fantastical, yet i have stopped being able to harness it in my waking hours. i want to dream for longer, to live the world that is not mine to keep. hoping to remember the details, so i can draw from them. but when i wake up, i don't wish for the dream to become reality. and life takes over, and i go through the motions of daily life, and the dream again has been abandoned.
and i don't know why this has to happen. if it makes you long to be there, then why wouldn't you want it enough to clutch onto it for dear life? this thought frustrates me. for a large part of my life, dreams and my mind's reluctance in separating it into fact/fiction has been what made my inner world so rich and that most of it i cannot explain in words. but now i have a sense of yearning for reality when i dream at night...? i used to dream to escape the world and i would sometimes wake up with a heightened sense and live the day as an extension of the dream i had just before i woke.
my daily life is like never before. i have no cause to cry.
my inner world feels barren, and lifeless. what has happened to me?
my inner world has been robbed, and i do not know who the thief is...
Post a Comment