2.8.05
afterthought...
it's been a great 3 month journey, and i'm privileged to have worked with so many great people, been supported by friends and family on my first out of college show. those who went to support me, thankyou, and those who put up with my lack of sleep moodiness, thankyou. some people who i didn't think would come see the show rocked up and watched and gave me all their support. those who had other agendas and couldn't/didn't come to the show but gave me best wishes, thankyou - this means just as much to me. without you, i don't think the memories would be as sweet, considering the content of the play.
at first i had hesitations. young cast (i knew they could do it, but i'm insecure about myself and the judgement i may receive), director on her maiden directorial pursuit, i was a complete newbie...i was scared i'd waste people's time by asking them to come. i mean, how many people do i know love theatre as much as i do? but as the production went on, into final stages of preshow preparations, i knew we struck a chord somewhere. for almost the whole show i was blessed (and unblessed at the same time) for not having any pre-show nervous energy. with exception of final night, i can almost completely say that i was on the ball the whole time, hitting the nail on the head to the best of my ability playing that mother character. final night i got jitters, and nervous, and found it hard to focus, knowing that tonight, any judgement i receive, i will hear it first hand that night.
losing my voice on the first night of the show turned out to be a very liberating experience for me. strangely enough, i think it made my performances in the show alot better than what it could have been if i wasn't forced to use a part of my voice that i was not used to, desperately communicating with whatever tool that was still usable...in all honesty my voice still hasn't gotten back to normal...but it's getting there.
this play has changed me in a way i didn't expect. i expected to turn all bitter etc. from doing a depressing play and a depressing character, but that didn't happen. i was shown how lucky i really am (not that i thought i was unlucky) and that life is beautiful, and the tragedy of the play isn't so much in all the lives wasted and all the people Josh killed, but rather the way he sees life. how sad is it that he feels so alone, that everyday, he will continue to live, but each moment goes by, he begs to die. that is suffering.
death in itself is not something i find sad. death occurs in much the same way as a blink of the eye. if you live, you will one day die. you may suffer before death, but after death has occured, the other things stop mattering. there is nothing one can do to change things. it is the lack of acceptance of one's death and the inability to let go of a life once lived that form part of the human condition of suffering.
but no need to get all d&m on everyone.
the past 3 months have been a blast!
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it's been a great 3 month journey, and i'm privileged to have worked with so many great people, been supported by friends and family on my first out of college show. those who went to support me, thankyou, and those who put up with my lack of sleep moodiness, thankyou. some people who i didn't think would come see the show rocked up and watched and gave me all their support. those who had other agendas and couldn't/didn't come to the show but gave me best wishes, thankyou - this means just as much to me. without you, i don't think the memories would be as sweet, considering the content of the play.
at first i had hesitations. young cast (i knew they could do it, but i'm insecure about myself and the judgement i may receive), director on her maiden directorial pursuit, i was a complete newbie...i was scared i'd waste people's time by asking them to come. i mean, how many people do i know love theatre as much as i do? but as the production went on, into final stages of preshow preparations, i knew we struck a chord somewhere. for almost the whole show i was blessed (and unblessed at the same time) for not having any pre-show nervous energy. with exception of final night, i can almost completely say that i was on the ball the whole time, hitting the nail on the head to the best of my ability playing that mother character. final night i got jitters, and nervous, and found it hard to focus, knowing that tonight, any judgement i receive, i will hear it first hand that night.
losing my voice on the first night of the show turned out to be a very liberating experience for me. strangely enough, i think it made my performances in the show alot better than what it could have been if i wasn't forced to use a part of my voice that i was not used to, desperately communicating with whatever tool that was still usable...in all honesty my voice still hasn't gotten back to normal...but it's getting there.
this play has changed me in a way i didn't expect. i expected to turn all bitter etc. from doing a depressing play and a depressing character, but that didn't happen. i was shown how lucky i really am (not that i thought i was unlucky) and that life is beautiful, and the tragedy of the play isn't so much in all the lives wasted and all the people Josh killed, but rather the way he sees life. how sad is it that he feels so alone, that everyday, he will continue to live, but each moment goes by, he begs to die. that is suffering.
death in itself is not something i find sad. death occurs in much the same way as a blink of the eye. if you live, you will one day die. you may suffer before death, but after death has occured, the other things stop mattering. there is nothing one can do to change things. it is the lack of acceptance of one's death and the inability to let go of a life once lived that form part of the human condition of suffering.
but no need to get all d&m on everyone.
the past 3 months have been a blast!
Post a Comment